Mobile Phones and Getting on a Bus

A few months ago the company issued some helpful instructions for first time bus users on how to catch a bus. Some people thought this a bit funny at the time but with rising bus usage ( anyone over 60 can leave the car at home and travel for free (provided they aren't tax payers that is)) there is a large group of people who may never have used a bus. One thing that was left out in the leaflet was how to get on a bus while using a mobile phone. Here are two examples.

First I pulled up at the stop and opened the doors. The intended passenger had a phone in his right hand and was attempting to push it in to his right ear. At first I thought he wasn't going to move and almost shut the doors, then I realised his right foot actually was moving very slowly. He was lifting it up at about a millimetre a second and moving it towards the door. His conversation continued without pause along the lines of, "Yes I know." and "You don't say." Eventually his foot reached the platform. Tectonic plates do move slower but only just. An other couple of, "Yes I know"s and a "You don't say" followed, before the other foot even thought about joining it's companion but it did make it. Then came the tricky bit. His wallet was in his inside jacket pocket. Which hand do you use to get something out of your inside jacket pocket. Right. But this guy was using his right hand to hold the phone and nothing comes between this mobile phone and it's owner's ear. Nothing. So the desperate struggle. Epic film scrips such as the Ten Commandments and On The Buses were written faster than it took to get the wallet out. Try it, use your left hand to get something out of your inside jacket pocket, please don't try on a bus platform though. Now all during this trial of ingenuity and dexterity the conversation continued along the same lines I have already mentioned plus, "The cheeky bugger." repeated twice. Now all but the most determined soul would, after the effort to get the wallet out, have given up on the next step and put the phone down for 5 seconds. This soul was unfortunately very determined and attempted the almost impossible task of continuing an extremely boring conversation which I was forced to listen to, while removing what ever he needed from his wallet using only one hand but concentrating not on the wallet but on saying, "Oh my God. He didn't." a few times. He several times forgot completely about this task as the conversation reached the dizzy heights of, "I don't believe it." said 3 times in quick succession. Grass was starting to grow under the bus and birds were building nests on the roof when a bus pass emerged. We were in the home straight. But I still needed to know where he was going. Paignton was mentioned in the conversation so I took that as the destination and issued a ticket. Our hero than started to move down the bus but stopped before one step had been taken because his phone had lost it's signal. Batteries had probably run out. Thank God there isn't any where to recharge them on the bus. (Hope I haven't given the impression I don't like mobile phones).

Later, only an hour later, so I hadn't really recovered from the first encounter I spotted an other standee at a bus stop with mobile phone to ear. This can't happen twice in one day. I stopped, opened doors and took a deep breath. Person with mobile phone said, "Hang on, I'm getting on a bus." He then moved the phone away from his ear (this is the important bit) and said to me, "Single to Newton please." and placed the right money in the cash tray. 10 out of 10.

Every mobile phone should come with those two scenes in it's memory and in the instruction book that comes with the phone.

Four days off so I am going up to war torn Manchester to visit family and friends. Back to work Tuesday which means I miss the start of our summer season but only by a day.