How NOT To Get On a Bus!

Union Street in Torquay is the main shopping street, It is also handy for the Town Hall if you want to go and see your councillor and get something done. Yeh, right. Anyway it is a very busy stop, People coming into town from Newton get off there in droves, People heading back to Paignton and Brixham get on there in similar sized droves. So you pull up at the stop and the people waiting at the stop continue waiting while the on board hoard disembark. Well that's the usual way, doesn't always happen quiet like that. To day was one of those days. Twenty people getting off, twenty people waiting to get on. Ten people had got off when up strides father and mother, not my father and mother you understand but someone's father and mother.

In fact father was carrying daughter, aged three, mother was carrying son, aged one and a half. They took no notice of the queue waiting to get on nor of the ten people still in the process of getting off. He waved a couple of dayriders at me and before I could say anything headed down the bus, father using daughter and mother using son like human battering rams scattering poor innocent victims like so many discarded bus tickets on a windy day. They made it to the stairs in about half a second and up them despite the fact that people were still trying to get down said stairs. I just sat there open mouthed. Some times, most times, about 99.7% of the time I will prevent mayhem like this but I was stunned by the speed at which it all took place. Maybe there is a Human Battering Ram contest on somewhere over the weekend and these two were practicing hard, if they are competitors then my money is definitely on them.

In good time and without too many incidents, none really, we arrived in Paignton Bus Station. Paignton is the 2nd biggest town in Torbay and lots of passengers get off here. Lots get on as well, bit like Union Street and the same peaceful, unspoken arrangement between the would be passengers waiting for the would be pedestrians to get off before attempting to board exists, though holidaymakers who haven't been on a bus in years some times forget. Well 30 people got off and the waiting 25 stood stoically in the cool wind until it was clear the last passenger had left. They were wrong. Ten had boarded the bus when father and mother attacked them with the two children in the same style early crusaders attacked the gates of Jerusalem, the early crusaders did hack down a hand tree first to use as a battering ram, not their children, though what I have read about early, and late, crusaders they may have used other people’s children.

With this kind of determination and the dedication to training these two showed I really do want to put the mortgage on them. I don’t seem to be able to find out when the Human Battering Ram contests is though.